Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Some girl on Facebook just posted "I'm so happy right now that nothing can bring me down!" Should I tell her about gravity?
←Rate | 10-13-2017 08:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I owe you an apology. And on a related note, a cat.
←Rate | 10-15-2017 00:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To have a happy marriage assume your wife is always right.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 22:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there braille dots on the drive up ATM keys ?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 23:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon But have you tried applying more Vagisil?
←Rate | 04-28-2018 07:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Egghead: What mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty
←Rate | 05-04-2018 17:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife's coffee is so strong it puts hair on your chest........ And takes it off if you spill it.
←Rate | 05-06-2018 07:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys don't appreciate being single untill they been married for awhile.
←Rate | 06-04-2018 16:11 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife has a slight speach impediment........ Every now and then she stops to take a breath.
←Rate | 08-09-2018 02:26 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon My Stress Doctor said I need to find a purpose but I can't get my wife to drive me to the aquarium..
←Rate | 08-15-2018 11:17 by Gerry Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I turn to Vodka Sometimes I turn to God either way I'm guided by spirit
←Rate | 10-29-2018 12:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I voted...for Medical Marijuana.
←Rate | 11-08-2016 12:28 by State vs Stoner Comments (0)  


   messageicon But if you can't see your Christmas decorations from space, do you really love Jesus?
←Rate | 12-01-2016 00:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So .... accidently cut in front of a dwarf today who screamed he was NOT happy. I yelled back: "Well then, which one are you?"
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dad said to my mom, "I'm done with you, I'm going to date this pillow. I'm naming it Sophia!" My mom says, "You could do better." My dad says, "Stop it you don't even know her!" My mom goes, "I was talking to Sophia."
←Rate | 12-02-2016 10:33 by McFazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon my stock portfolio tanked again.....can I get a welfare check?
←Rate | 12-15-2016 15:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Q: why are your eyes covered in ketchup? A: because Heinz sight is 20/20.
←Rate | 01-07-2017 17:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons, but they forgot to mention Morons.
←Rate | 02-06-2017 17:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i saved a bunch of money on valentines day by switching to unwanted.
←Rate | 02-12-2017 14:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..... Hmmmm .... Beginning to wonder why I was hit on by so many gay dudes today. Maybe it's time to rethink my Valentine's wardrobe.
←Rate | 02-14-2017 23:41 Comments (0)  




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