Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4308 of 6369
"Are you as bored as I am?" Read that backwards, it still makes sense.
Guilty people answer questions with a question
I'm not shy, I'm holding back my awesomeness, so I don't intimidate you ;P
My life will not be complete until I've walked away from an explosion in slow motion
You can't face the problem, if the problem is your face.
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10-26-2011 15:28
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I shall open my own deli and my slogan will be: "No one beats my meat!"
Thank you exes I am the way I am because of u
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10-26-2011 15:21
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A new drug has been developed for lesbi@ns with depression. It's called "Trycoxagain"
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10-26-2011 15:04
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Mexican Word for the day is : CHICKEN ....Usage: "My wife wanted me to go to the store for her, but chicken go herself!"
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10-26-2011 15:02
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They had 16 and pregnant, now can we get an '18 and graduated' or '21 and Established?' Then again, y'all ain't gon watch that, shame.
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10-26-2011 14:44
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I attribute most of my good days to a couple of people with voodoo dolls canceling each other out.
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10-26-2011 13:52
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Note to self: Saying "Don't judge me!" doesn't go over well in court.
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10-26-2011 12:57
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I have to remind myself this weekend there will be many Halloween parties. So don't go by instinct and start shooting zombies in the head.
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10-26-2011 12:54 by flinnie
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Do you think you could drive better if I shoved that cell phone up your @ss? Talk or Drive... PICK ONE!!
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10-26-2011 12:32 by Dani
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My, what a lovely shade of slut you're wearing today...
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10-26-2011 12:11 by R
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They say money doesn't buy happiness but I'd rather cry in a Ferrari
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10-26-2011 12:04 by RenRen
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Before you kill yourself can you give me your Facebook password so that I can continue to post st@tus upd@tes after you are gone and scare the sh!t out of your friends.
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10-26-2011 11:59
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Okay, I'll admit it. I was one of those kids that took more than one candy bar while trick or treating from the houses that had those naive "Please just take one" baskets
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10-26-2011 10:52
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Doctor Oz: When a woman goes for too long without sex, she loses feelings in her clitoris. You heard the good doctor ladies...
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10-26-2011 10:31
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Guess what? I'm dead. And if you think I stunk before, you should get a whiff of me now.-Ghadafi