Aaron Funny Status Messages

   Ever had something dawn on you at dusk?

   If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?

   I wonder if my mailman even recognized me with my clothes on.

   I'm not a drunk. I just play one under the TV.

   Turns out cloud 10 is actually the accumulated farts of everyone on cloud 9.

   Aquariums are a place where fish get to watch you for free but it comes at the price of never leaving

   Don't get it. Heard the phrase "keep your friends clothes & keep your enemies clothes, sir". Now I have a bunch of naked people angry at me.

   I'll watch Groundhog Day every time it comes on. Same goes for Groundhog Day. Also, whenever Groundhog Day comes on, I'll watch it.

   At the DMV. When they called my number, felt like I was on the Price Is Right TV show. XD

   Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?

   I'm celebrating Egypt's freedom by eating the top of the food pyramid all day.

   My toilet swallows so many loads that I purchased a wig to go over the tank.

   Dropping the fish I had for lunch off at the pond

   Did you guys hear about the robber that stole a calendar? Yeah, he got 12 months.

   The morning after the night before is always the next day.

   What would happen if Superman consumed 10 Lbs of laxative?

   I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

   I only take half a vitamin because I haven't decided if I wanna live forever.

   I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.

   "You'll see!! THEY'LL ALL SEE!!!!" - an optometrist throwing glasses into the screaming crowd from a parade float