Aaron Funny Status Messages

   dude, where's my government

   It's hard to maintain good eye contact with a cute pedestrian once she slips beneath your wheel.

   Squirrels - Nature's Speedbumps

   Laying on my TV watching the couch. I needed to switch things up a bit.

   Kilometers are shorter than miles. So I'll be taking my next trip in kilometers to try and save some gas.

   I beg your pardon. I didn't recognize you. I've changed a lot.

   # # When it comes to poker...a good deal depends on a good deal.

   Before drinking an "energy drink", pause to consider this: How are you going to use that extra energy to better serve Christ?

   (status update from the future) RIP everyone.

   fact: you eat 28 spiders in your lifetime. always 28. if you are about to die and you have only eaten 3 then 25 spiders arrive at once

   Call off the search for Waldo. I think this large man on the bus, wearing a red and white striped hat, ate him.

   Sometimes when a person tells you "I've got your back..." they forget to add "...in my crosshairs."

   What I just did in that bathroom was so tragic that when I walked out, a Native American turned his head as a tear rolled down his cheek.

   When dressing up for Halloween, disguise the limit.

   save your breath.... You'll need it to blow up your date!

   [tears open envelope] It's here! It's *really* here! The expressed written consent of the National Football League!

   Just caught my girlfreind in bed with my best friend. I threw her out, then grabbed him and shouted, "Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"

   I had a thought, then it smiled and waved goodbye.

   yo mamma so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid

   bankruptcy spelled with one "oh sh*t" or two?