Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 11:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon * The older I get the earlier it gets late.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 23:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Statistically, a gun is much less likely to be used in a crime than a Senator.
←Rate | 12-06-2017 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
←Rate | 03-23-2018 12:03 Comments (1)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 06:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
←Rate | 03-24-2018 00:59 by Guess.Who Comments (2)  


   messageicon Can someone please buy the Kardashian's a box of condoms, thanks
←Rate | 05-20-2018 12:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Just got catcalled by a construction worker, again. Why can't men realize that we just want to walk down the sidewalk without someone calling out "hey that cement is wet!"
←Rate | 05-22-2018 07:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
←Rate | 06-09-2018 10:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Planning a trip to Australia..I was asked if I had a criminal record?..I didn't know you still needed one?
←Rate | 06-22-2018 08:35 by Truman Comments (2)  


   messageicon If at any point in your life you feel useless, just remember there are people on the BMW assembly lines that install turn signals..”
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 02:35 by Appstatushub Comments (0)  


   messageicon Magic Johnson wasted the world's best porn name on a basketball career
←Rate | 07-30-2018 15:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watching all these Hollywood people pretend they didnt know about Weinstein is some of the best acting they’ve done in years
←Rate | 10-12-2017 13:30 by CrackY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hardest part about watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" at this point is realizing I am one of the wah-wah-wah adults
←Rate | 10-19-2017 23:42 Comments (4)  


   messageicon When I text I use the word duck a lot. Mainly because auto-correct is a ditch.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:39 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Elevator music bothers me on many levels
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s Thursday… or as I like to call it, “Day 4 of the hostage situation.”
←Rate | 01-05-2018 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon how do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 14:50 Comments (1)  


   messageicon What a shock! ..Got a letter in the mail that read "If you ever want to see you're wife alive again, leave $50,000 in unmarked bills in the trash can on Chester Blvd". Seriously, does no one know the difference between "your" and "you're" anymore?
←Rate | 01-16-2018 10:35 by MDS Comments (0)  


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