andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 05:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
←Rate | 09-30-2014 05:26 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dream about naps.
←Rate | 10-08-2014 05:23 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message is like looking directly into the sun?
←Rate | 08-06-2014 04:28 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon No thanks CVS, I don’t need a bag. I’ll just wrap up my purchase in the 12 foot receipt you just gave me.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I was rich, I'd do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
←Rate | 01-25-2015 06:03 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Money not buying you happiness? Wire it into my account and I'll send you pictures of how happy it makes me. Problem solved.
←Rate | 09-26-2013 05:33 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I carry a yoga mat but it's only because I get sleepy after lunch
←Rate | 10-03-2015 09:55 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The number of people that confuse 'to' and 'too' is two darn high.
←Rate | 10-10-2014 05:24 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If history has taught us anything, it's that reheated french fries are gross.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 06:42 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.
←Rate | 09-15-2013 07:10 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon And with the official start of baseball season today, the Chicago Cubs have already been eliminated from the playoffs.
←Rate | 04-02-2013 06:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I run a support group for cats that have never had their pics posted on the internet.
←Rate | 09-25-2014 12:13 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess it's time to face the reality that I just do not want to rock and roll all night. Nor do I wish to party eva-ree day.
←Rate | 06-07-2014 16:09 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
←Rate | 05-15-2014 05:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying
←Rate | 02-20-2015 05:32 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just called. To say. I texted you.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:01 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I'm 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
←Rate | 05-04-2014 08:40 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a financial adviser asks me my goals I'm embarrassed to admit that it's to ride a snowmobile on the moon
←Rate | 02-09-2014 07:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if, when you see your therapist jotting down notes, he is only writing his tweets for the next day from your dialog?. Think about it.
←Rate | 11-19-2014 05:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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