flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon It's time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it's over
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone hates planes babies are just honest about it
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I was a cab driver I'd yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon a guy on Maury found out he was not the father and said "it dont take blood to be a daddy" but actually it does. all dads have to have blood
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't put all my eggs in one basket? Nice try, basket industry.
←Rate | 12-27-2014 06:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it's important that you lower your expectations.
←Rate | 12-03-2014 05:04 by flinnie Comments (2)  


   messageicon When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "you did this."
←Rate | 11-23-2014 07:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I had a choice between ending world hunger and seeing a mountain lion play a guitar solo, everyone would eat but i'd regret it forever
←Rate | 11-14-2014 13:45 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun thing to do # 86 Leave "this is offensive" as a comment under a photo & never explain why
←Rate | 11-12-2014 05:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun thing to do #48 1) See laptop on empty table in crowded coffee shop. 2) Ask someone to watch it for you. 3) Leave before the owner returns.
←Rate | 11-12-2014 05:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 06:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing is more terrifying than making eye contact with the guy running that mall kiosk.
←Rate | 11-05-2014 05:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I call my fists The Nina and The Pinta because they don't land where I want them to.
←Rate | 10-29-2014 18:45 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "More power to him" is the polite way to say "What a freakin' wacko".
←Rate | 10-29-2014 18:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn't look that much different from my actual head.
←Rate | 10-28-2014 12:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Buy 3 items and get a 9 foot long receipt. That’s the CVS promise.
←Rate | 10-10-2014 21:52 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we're terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
←Rate | 10-10-2014 05:19 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your boss asks why you’re late. Just shrug and say “thug life.” Bosses don’t mess with thug life.
←Rate | 10-06-2014 05:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
←Rate | 09-30-2014 05:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I see a beautiful woman with an idiot, I think to myself... this is a pretty good picture of my wife and me
←Rate | 09-28-2014 08:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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