BEGO Funny Status Messages

   "I Love You just the Way You Are" is the best compliment ever.

   When a girl says "lol have fun." do NOT have fun. Abort mission. Repeat Abort Mission.

   Judaism, Christianity and Islam are all equally valid, but one thing breaks the tie in favor of Christianity: grilled cheese with bacon.

   Tip on getting a raise at work: Every day eat a cup-a-noodle soup for lunch and make sure to mention how you need to save half, because you know you will be hungry tomorrow.

   Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.

   You know my name, not my story. You’ve heard what I’ve done, not what I’ve been through. If you were in my shoes, you’d fall the first step.

   My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.

   where did all these feelings come from and where can I put them

   Starbucks will provide free college education to thousands of employees. Unfortunately the diplomas will have their names misspelled.

   Girls who are obsessed with celebrities need to get a life

   Nice try "blocked" number, but I don't even answer the phone for people I know.

   You're the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the glitter to my sushi, and the ketchup to my icecream. My point is, you're worthless.

   Don’t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed.

   Call me traditional, but marriage should stay between a woman afraid of being alone & a man who finally caves after years of her pressure.

   People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.

   You know I don't care about losing some people that don't wanna be in my life anymore, I lost people that meant the WORLD to me and I am still doing just fine.

   Sometimes you have to dream in the middle of a nightmare.

   At some point you outgrow feelings and you outgrow people. Its nothing personal. Its part of human nature. As much as we would want it to, nothing lasts forever.

   I give my number to this hot sexy as@ bi#ch.. She said I will call you when I get home, I think that bit$h homeless..

   "Hello modelling agency?" "Yeah,one of my Facebook friends has 189 likes on photo and yes she is half naked I think she is ready to go pro."