abbybaby34 Funny Status Messages

   I'm waiting till the iPad 1,473 comes out because it will fly you to the moon while you surf the internet.

   Drinking doesn't make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them...

   If you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation...Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.

   I can no longer "drop it like it's hot", so I "squat like it's warm".

   When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country...It's a whole different way of thinking.

   Charlie Sheen is Kenny Powers with more money.

   The amount of sleep required by the average person is just five minutes more...

   I love hearing rumors because they tell me things about myself I didn't know before.

   I FINALLY found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!

   we all know "watch a movie" means "I wanna be in the dark with you"

   As kids we want to be adults who can do whatever they want and as adults we wish we were kids who can do whatever they want

   Ever want to answer every question with a middle finger? That's kinda where I'm at today.

   Look, I know you have your "swag on" but can you walk a little bit faster?

   I'm just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.

   Don't get me wrong. I totally hear what you're saying...I just don't care.

   Maybe you should eat make-up so you can be pretty on the inside.

   Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a bat.

   You'd be amazed how often I'm wrong when people say guess what.

   If you really want to get to know someone, start arguing with them.

   Who would have thought that giving an actor with a history of drug addiction $2 million an episode would have turned out badly?