Yaj Funny Status Messages

   wonders what would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

   I love meeting new people until they say something stupid. Most of my friendships last about 3 minutes.

   Casey Anthony wants to be out of jail by Halloween, so she can dress up as a woman who didn't kill her baby

   BREAKING NEWS: Florida 1st state of the union to legalize murder..

   How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

   My girlfriend called me a pedophile! I was shocked! That's such a big word for a 5 year old

   Live once. Regret nothing. Rewrite destiny.. nothing is written in stone. Nothing. Love your life the way you need to, not the way your told too.

   Muhammad Ali vs. Michael J. Fox - The Quickest Game of Jenga Ever

   Walking thru a spider web instantly turns you into a ninja

   sometimes feels like going up to people who have just been seated at a restaraunt and say "Just to let you know, the last person that sat here threw up on the table"...

   just sent a text message to a random number saying "Im Pregnant"

   says if someone questions your motives for doing something, throw them off by saying "I did it to protect you"

   's words to live by: Treat everyone you meet with dignity and respect but always have a plan to kill them.

   never forget the 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

   take my advice; I don't use it anyway.

   an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared.

   Really? Snooki is going to be IN the ball as it descends on NYE?!? And the cast of the Jersey Shore will lead a fist pump? Does Al Qaeda have a request line??

   says change your birthday on facebook to todays date, and see how many of your "friends" are totally clueless

   thinks people with parkinsons just have a good song stuck in their head

   brought my date a footlong sub thinking it would score me major points, but apparently I went to the wrong jared . . .