Truman Funny Status Messages

   Anyone want some staples? Hold your hands out!..[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[....enough?

   “Did you check your pockets?” - to a kangaroo who’s lost a child!

   [Breaking News] Australian strawberries found in Salisbury!

   "What's the new baby's name?" "We don't know..we can't understand a word he says!"

   I've been having a problem with nuisance phone calls! The most common one seems to be "You said you'd be home from the pub three hours ago!"

   If you don't need to change your shirt after eating a hot dog you're not doing it right!

   My dog is one of those trained to sniff drugs!..he's brilliant and can even roll up his own $20 bill.

   I just found out that сосk fighting is done with chickens? That's 12 months of training gone to waste!

   Altzheimer's Centre prepares for a party to remember!

   I can drive a woman wild with my tongue! I say..‘Have you put weight on?’

   Does rocking a vending machine count as exercise?

   If the B in LGTB stands for Bi doesn't that mean there are only two genders?

   Sorry to announce my pet mouse 'Elvis' has just died!..he was caught in a trap!

   My Girlfriend said she's leaving in the morning because of my "Wham" obsession! I replied... "wake me up before you go go"

   POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: "So he was medium build, grey hair, grey eyes, grey tie, a grey suit and grey shoes?" DOG: "Correct"

   Bigfoot saw me yesterday but no one believes him!

   It's not so much that I love karate as that I hate wooden - planks!

   I read this article earlier..that said.."cows have four stomachs"...and I wondered if anyone had checked this?..because it sounds like the sort of thing a cow would come out with to get more food?

   My wife brought home a tub of ice-cream and asked if I wanted some. "How hard is it?" I asked. She cheekily replied, "As hard as you when you're thinking about me naked!". I said "Go on then, pour me a glass."

   A Prostitute new to the game was told by her pimp “No sex for the first 7 days..just wanks!” She asked.. “Why only wanks?”..her pimp said.. “Union rules!..you gotta work a week in hand!”