Maureen Funny Status Messages

   found the difference between being smart and wise: Smart is knowing what to say and wise is knowing whether or not to say it.

   been making the same mistakes for so long that I've taken to just calling them "my traditions!"

   Whenever I am faced with a challenge, I ask myself, “What would Phil Dunphy do?”

   gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "Who's blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"

   found my favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

   understands the concept of housework, but has difficulty grasping how it applies to me!

   Always be yourself, unless you can be a penguin. Then always be a penguin.

   The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it”

   What the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH What my kids read: Touch when nobody is looking

   When my sons says, "I`ve cleaned my room," that usually means "I`ve made a path from the door to my bed."

   If a clown offers you a hamburger, and it's not Ronald McDonald, should you accept it?

   discovered pretending I'm sleeping to avoid something never gets old!

   stuck at work – and by “stuck” I mean drinking and by “work” I mean sitting in the recliner!

   Etc. – used to make people think you know more about a subject than you actually do!

   If I can`t easily reach what I dropped…I begin to justify why I don`t need it.

   difficulty trusting someone with colored contacts...they have already lied to me once.

   When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don't have if they are asking me for advice.

   has found that when my son says "the other day", it can mean any time up to a year ago.

   operating a safe distance from genius this morning.

   Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.