Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Whenever I feel hungry, I just log onto Facebook and like everyone's food pictures until I feel full.
←Rate | 07-18-2013 19:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always carry around a magnet in my pocket so I can find all the girls with clit rings easier.
←Rate | 07-18-2013 19:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon On Facebook, someone posted that they have 90 days of pregnancy left. The 1st commenter said "When are you due?" This is why we are here...
←Rate | 07-18-2013 19:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon True love is giving your significant other a sip from your beer glass... a real f*cking small sip though... !
←Rate | 07-18-2013 19:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon In love, you either win someone's heart or lose your liver... !
←Rate | 07-18-2013 19:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mary had a little lamb. Then Mary saw a lamb chop recipe on Pinterest. Now Mary has a full stomach.
←Rate | 07-18-2013 19:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying this insomnia is screwing me up, but I just waited 2 minutes for this stop sign to turn green.
←Rate | 07-18-2013 19:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm guilty of anything it's loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
←Rate | 07-18-2013 19:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate exercising. I've decided that if I were meant to bend and touch my toes, I would have been born with boobs on my feet.
←Rate | 07-18-2013 18:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have 3 moods: Skip every song on my iPod, let the music play without interruption, play the same song on repeat for days
←Rate | 07-11-2013 21:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My opinions are like farts, so hard to hold 'em in. When one slips, everyone's gonna know it and at least one person is gonna leave the room.
←Rate | 07-11-2013 19:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn't awesome. THAT would be scary.
←Rate | 06-27-2013 16:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the battery is so dangerously low that it can only beep 4,000 times?
←Rate | 06-27-2013 15:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish people would just listen to my advice. I have invested many years f*cking shlt up so you don't have to.
←Rate | 06-27-2013 15:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't just cross the line, I f*cking set up camp there and get comfortable.
←Rate | 06-27-2013 14:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't just cross the line, I f*cking set up camp there and get comfortable.
←Rate | 06-27-2013 14:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't handle me at my worst I don't blame you because I can be a total ass.
←Rate | 06-27-2013 14:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got smiled at by a lovely cashier who has plenty of teeth, but clearly only brushes her favorites.
←Rate | 06-27-2013 14:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I pretend to like people everyday. It’s called being an adult. That’s why we’re allowed to buy booze.
←Rate | 06-27-2013 14:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of course absence makes the heart grow fonder. Because thats when you forget what an annoying little bltch they can be.
←Rate | 06-27-2013 14:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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