JAKE Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You know your farts must really stink when you fart and your dog gets up and leaves the room.
←Rate | 07-09-2018 11:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Birth control pills are only tax deductable when they don't work.
←Rate | 07-09-2018 04:40 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the smoke detector sounds, I know the dinner my girlfriend is cooking is ready.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 22:48 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon To show my girlfriend I liked her cooking I had a second slice of her gravy.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 22:34 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Old track star: "When I was young they use to time me with a stopwhatch. Now they use a hourglass."
←Rate | 07-08-2018 21:11 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ask my wife why she never blinks her eyes during sex. She said I never had the time.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 21:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Claustrophobic people are more productive outside of the box.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 21:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say that opposites attract...... So I'm looking for a drug adicted unemployed drunk girl.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 04:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got gas today for a $1.39....... unfortunately it was from Taco Bell.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 03:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women have foreheads so you have somewhere to kiss them after a BJ .
←Rate | 07-06-2018 20:13 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When prince charming kisses a teenage girl in a coma he's a romantic hero. When I do it I'm a pervert.
←Rate | 07-06-2018 20:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know your house is dirty when people wipe their feet when they are leaving.
←Rate | 07-06-2018 04:38 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always plan ahead...... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
←Rate | 07-05-2018 01:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't need Google...... My wife knows everything.
←Rate | 07-05-2018 01:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cemical formula for holly water: H2 OMG
←Rate | 07-04-2018 19:41 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon My lesbian neighbors got me a timex for my birth day. But I don't think they understood when I said I wana watch.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 19:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you student loans for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 19:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Father inlaw: A priest who is also a lawyer.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 19:24 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Where do crazy people ride their bikes? On a psychopath.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 16:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The definition of surprise: a fart with a lump in it.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 16:26 by Jake Comments (0)  


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