JAKE Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Viagra is like Disney land, the both make you wait a hour for a three minute ride.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 05:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do woman and police cars have in common? The both make a lot of noise when they are coming.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 05:34 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Silence is your best responce when talking to an idiot
←Rate | 04-23-2018 03:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never hire an elecetrician with fuzzy hair
←Rate | 04-19-2018 15:22 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most all the women I meet in bars think I have a nice butt. Because as I walk away from them after talking to them. I hear them say "what an ass."
←Rate | 04-18-2018 23:09 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there braille dots on the drive up ATM keys ?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 23:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The major cause of a divorce is the marriage.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 23:02 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon To have a happy marriage assume your wife is always right.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 22:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had 21 minutes of doggie style sex last night. That's 3 minutes in human time.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 21:14 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Divorce: A legal document for married people to hate each other.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:36 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my son got his driver's license. He ask if I would get him something cheap to run around in. So I got him a pair of Keds sneakers.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 05:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Arguing with your wife is like buying a lottery ticket. You probably won't win but you still give it a try.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 04:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dad is afraid to sleep by himself. When my mom went to vist aunt, dad had the lady from next door come over and sleep with him.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 02:59 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon You know you're broke when American Express calls you and says: "Leave home without it"
←Rate | 04-09-2018 00:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I lost money in the John Wayne toilet paper co. The T.P. was so ruff it wouldn't take sh*t off of anybody.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 18:20 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon I stopped complaining about my insomnia when I found out most of my relatives died in their sleep.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 22:47 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My labrador Retriver chewed up my TV remote controll. Now every time he farts the TV turns off.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 21:27 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon A friend ask me why I haven't married yet. I said if I didn't have to live with my wife I would get married.
←Rate | 03-29-2018 20:30 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Single men: To keep on enjoying your carefree life, never utter the words "I DO"
←Rate | 03-29-2018 01:16 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It's the coming back home part that bothers me.
←Rate | 03-28-2018 00:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


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