Abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I was an Athlete in school. I Dreamt of running in the Olympics one day! Now, I dream of just getting my fat a$$ off the couch!!!
←Rate | 07-27-2012 13:33 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon I called 411 and asked the operator ''I'd like the number for Melissa Fontana in Silver Spring, Md. ''There are multiple listings for Melissa Fontana, Do you have a street name?'' I hesitated ''Well, uh some people call me Snake!''
←Rate | 07-27-2012 11:17 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm always on my ''Best'' Behaviour...It just so happens my Best Behaviour isn't very good!!
←Rate | 07-27-2012 11:07 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just came from the Library and asked the librarian Do you have any books on ''How to find a job'' she muttered Most likely in the ''Fantasy Section!''
←Rate | 07-27-2012 11:05 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dont take me for granted, because I will leave your a$$ in at a moments notice!
←Rate | 07-26-2012 22:30 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rooster+Rooster=No Egg....Hen+ Hen= No Egg....Rooster+ Hen=Egg/Chicken........Now you know why Chick-fil-a supports traditional couples!
←Rate | 07-26-2012 14:58 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women are just like Hurricanes, because when they come they're wet & wild! And when they leave they're taking the house and car!!!
←Rate | 07-26-2012 14:49 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would be the worst 911 Operator! ''Excuse me ma'am, I think you mean 'The Robber is over there!' Not over their or over they're!!''
←Rate | 07-26-2012 14:47 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don't give up your car when someone else drives drunk! So why would you give up your gun when someone else commits a crime with a gun?!
←Rate | 07-26-2012 13:05 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon So the North Korean soccer team won their opening game at the Olympics yesterday! I'm guessing they will be allowed to live, at least until they lose!
←Rate | 07-26-2012 12:55 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Penn State announced the reason they took down the Joe Paterno statue was becuase of the jokes and fun the University was being subjected to! This coming from a school that has a stadium named ''Beaver''
←Rate | 07-26-2012 12:16 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon If they played it would be the 1992 ''Dream Team'' vs.2012 ''Keep Dreamin Team''
←Rate | 07-26-2012 11:22 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon A couple who had been together for 25yrs and raised 10 children was asked what the secret to staying together was. The wife replied ''Many years ago we made an agreement that the first one to leave has to take all the children with them!!!''
←Rate | 07-26-2012 08:30 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.....
←Rate | 07-26-2012 07:06 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon A person automatically becomes ten times more attractive when you find out they like you!!!
←Rate | 07-26-2012 07:04 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got a little too much Sun today! I knew I should have closed the blinds!
←Rate | 07-26-2012 07:03 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon California announced that Marijuana Dispensaries will be closing! Do they realize the dramatic impact this will have on the economy. Sales of Funyons, 7-11 Burritos, Visine, and all other junk food are going to plummet!!!
←Rate | 07-26-2012 06:39 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why a Beer is better than a woman! 1.A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another! 2. Pour your beer right and you always get good head! 3. You always know when youre the first to pop a beer! 4.You can have several beers in a night and not feel guilty
←Rate | 07-25-2012 20:03 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex is like Math, You subtract the clothes, Add a Bed, Divide the legs, and hope you don't Multiply!!!
←Rate | 07-25-2012 19:59 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if when we die the light we see at the end of the tunnel is just us being pushed out of another V@gina!!!
←Rate | 07-25-2012 19:57 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  




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