@OMFG_Rel8able Funny Status Messages

   Cop: Why were you speeding? Me: Um I was going to the store for oreos. Cop: Double stuffed? Me: you know it. Cop: have a nice day..

   Awkwardly flushing the toilet when everyone else is sleeping

   I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I was sweating...

   MOM: Back in the day we didnt have internet…ME:” well thats just too bad for you.

   I think I'm going to end up like Plankton. Marrying my computer.!!

   I hate texting people who don't use smileys. I feel like I'm texting an emotionless robot!!!

   The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.!!

   I am attracted to those which I cannot have, and I am chased by those which I do not want.!

   I don't always eat what is right. Sometimes I eat what is left.

   Don't be judgmental. We're all screwed up.

   teacher: are you sleeping in my class? student: no, uh, a bug flew in my eye and I'm trying to suffocate it. :D

   a good night is when you hug Ur teddy ;a horror night I when the teddy hugs you back

   Forgot to go too the gym today. That's 3 years in a row

   Not caring about having a great body..caz lets face it food is better !

   Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it!!

   I got a dig bick. You this read wrong. You that read wrong too. And too that.

   Good moms let you lick the beaters...great moms turn the mixer off first!!!!

   Three fastest ways of communication: Tele-Phone, Tele-Vision & Tell-a-Woman.

   An old man said "Erasers r made 4 those who make mistakes." A youth replied "Erasers r made 4 those who r willing 2 correct their mistakes!!" Attitude matters!!

   What I learned from Movies: No matter how fast you run, a psychopath can catch up to you by walking slowly