hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   The only mistake that I regret is the one where I let you live after you reminded me of every mistake that I've made.

   All these end-of-the-year top 10 things that happened in 2011 lists must be handy for people who were asleep all year or dead.

   Before Twitter Americans had no way of knowing the illiteracy rates of their favorite celebrities.

   I just changed the name of my wireless network to....♫ ♪ Pretty Fly for a Wi-Fi ♪ ♫

   watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven't taken him away from his parents yet.

   This dude working at Subway is looking at me like he's never had anybody ask him to put some Government Cheese on a sub sandwich before.

   Global warming sucks but I'm kind of looking forward to riding a jet ski to work every day.

   I hope my New Year's Resolution to only say nice things about people isn't misinterpreted as a vow of silence.

   My new year's resolution is to improve my powers of concentra......... oh look a squirrel

   Waxing every inch of male body hair is still more masculine than saying the word 'Man-scaping.'

   Blasting Chumbawumba, and I'm not gonna stop until the realtor showing the house next door pays me to.

   Slippery Slope of New Years Resolutions: 1st Resolution: Go to the gym every day. 2nd: Feel guilty for not going. 3rd: Pie.

   Facebook would be a lot better if they had an “Ignore all engagement and wedding posts” option

   You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says "Drive faster and put me under the seat."

   My number one New Year's Resolution is: Don't die.

   If everyone "resolves" to not care about the Kardashians in 2012 do you think they'll go away?

   The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

   I sleep better naked…why can't the flight attendant understand this?

   The only people who still leave voicemail messages are bill collectors and moms.

   Doesn't seem like a good sign that I asked for a to-go box at this Mexican restaurant, and they brought me a casket.