eaglet1122 Funny Status Messages

   Looks like Casey Anthony will be available to baby sit my children tonight afterwards!!

   OUCH!!! I just got bit by a Horse Fly with an over bite!!

   My son asked me why Piggly Wiggly sells bacon. He said, "Isn't that like them selling their soul?"

   I just cut a coupon for Adderall off the back of a box of Lucky Charms.

   After only one date, I knew her "emotional closet" was a walk in!

   Made it through Irene's rain band. They could use a new lead singer and a drummer.

   If there's one thing I've learned since becoming a father it's just because the kids say they don't want any bacon, make 2 extra slices, because they are lying.

   Facebook has allowed me to bring my "He's a distraction to the rest of the class" from grade school to a global scale!!

   Yesterday it was fish, shrimp, and crabs. Tonight I'm just fishing for compliments.

   I miss being able to hang up rotary phone on people!

   I am that little chocolate you find when you least expect it and need it the most!!

   I have a drinking problem and don't intend on doing a thing about it!

   You smell like you passed through the system of a 90 year old!

   E-Harmony: Dislikes: "Women who shoot their gun sideways!!"

   I have to stop eating rotisserie chicken. It is making me feel dizzy!

   Caught a flounder in my crab trap....What a fluke.

   I plead a 5th of Jack Daniels!

   My feet must be gross. I can only get the wife to rub them if i'm wearing clean socks, but if one of the kids puke, she will catch it in her hands to avoid a mess.

   I like how after the dental hygienist rapes my gums with a sharp ass needle the dentist complains how my gums look a little swollen.

   I made a hamburger so big tonight the top bun looked like a Yarmulke.