minnie haha Funny Status Messages

   My teleporter’s broken, I've lost my superpowers, and my sidekick is out of town. Only one last hope for humanity: Must... get.... the... cork... out... of... this... wine.... bottle.....

   presently poking others but your poke is important to her. Please stay online and your pokes will be returned in the order they were received. Approximate wait time is five minutes.

   Note to self: Mr. Tequila and Mr. Keyboard do not play well together

   Subway lawsuit defense ... maybe the sub was cold.

   I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I’m having wine for dinner.

   There's something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs....

   People really misunderstand me.....I mean, I’m a simple girl, really. I enjoy long romantic walks (to the liquor store)...quiet conversations (with my bail bondsman)....that secure feeling (that only an ankle monitoring bracelet can bring)...

   There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.

   Just saw an ad that read: "Fluffer wanted for movie set". They must have a lot of pillows, huh? Well, I sent my resume in, wish me luck!

   Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.

   I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.

   Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.

   Keep it down kids....Aunt Minnie is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.

   I haven't got a Twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times. So far I've got 3 followers - but I think 2 are cops.

   You call it blacking out. I call it a booze nap.

   There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....

   I really wasn't planning on drinking all that beer this evening. The pretzels made me do it.

   F.Y.I.: FaceBook will be closed February 29, 30 and 31st. Please make a note of it.

   Of course I’ve had my servings of fruit today. Coconut rum, pineapple-orange juice and maraschino cherries. There’s a bonus for combo fruits, right?

   Gong Xi Fa Ca! Happy Chinese New Year! And hopefully, when you wake up after two too many mai tais, you don’t discover a Tattoo of "Yu Bang Mi Nao" on your a$$.....do not ask me how I know this.