joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I like to refer to celebrity relationships with huge age differences like speeding tickets, Ex: Hef is currently doing 84 in a 20
←Rate | 04-19-2010 19:24 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My body is not my temple... It's more like a bar and grill...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 19:25 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon When they tell you not to mix chemicals they're f*cking serious. On a related note: high as f*ck and my house might explode...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 19:26 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon I've just drank Gatorade.. still waiting to sweat colors...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:04 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well there's only one way to find out how many of my coworkers secretly wish that I'd punch them...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:05 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to Prehab... On the off chance that I get addictions...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:06 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me or does orange juice taste funny without vodka?
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:06 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lifted the toilet lid to find poop in the bowl, either someone forgot to flush or this toilet is from 5 seconds in the future.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:07 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can anybody call themselves a Life Coach when they haven't even played a whole game yet?
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:10 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just ate so much ravioli I could sh*t an Italian. If it turns out to be Snooki, you all better thank me when I flush that crazy b*tch.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:11 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon "Iceland's Eyjafjallajokull Volcano" Earth's way of Celebrating 4/20
←Rate | 04-20-2010 02:19 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there so many words coming out of you in such a short period of time?
←Rate | 04-20-2010 12:37 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder how many bongs I can collect before my mother figures out they're not vases?
←Rate | 04-20-2010 12:37 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon today is 4-20! ...like I had to tell you... sit back .relax. and show some love :)
←Rate | 04-20-2010 12:45 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say there's a sucker born every minute but I'd be more curious to find out at what rate swallowers are born.
←Rate | 04-20-2010 22:41 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Evidently that good Samaritan bullsh*t doesn't apply when you help an old lady cross the street on the hood of your car.
←Rate | 04-20-2010 23:46 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know what Cinco de Mayo is, I just don't know when it is.
←Rate | 04-21-2010 13:52 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relax. If you didn't want me knocking it over, why the hell did you write "tip jar" on it? Just for that, I'm taking my 15 cents back...
←Rate | 04-22-2010 09:05 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
←Rate | 04-22-2010 09:06 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sign outside the Burger King that says Now Hiring Closers is obviously spelled with a silent C.
←Rate | 04-22-2010 09:07 by Joser Comments (0)  




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