andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon We'll look back someday and realize the rise of the machines began with automatic toilets flushing before we're done.
←Rate | 10-05-2013 07:24 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just bought an actual CD, then put on my bonnet and churned the rest of the butter before Pa got back from the silversmith
←Rate | 10-09-2013 05:40 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I learned about life from 'Adventures In Babysitting.' The city is full of freaks and as long as your hair is fabulous you will not die
←Rate | 10-22-2013 05:31 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do we have silencers for guns but not for boxes of movie theater candy?
←Rate | 10-25-2013 05:52 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING: DNA evidence clears curiosity, cat murderer still at large.
←Rate | 10-27-2013 08:20 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes, a Catholic school girl uniform will attract attention. But I don't think that is the look you want. Sir.
←Rate | 10-27-2013 08:23 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is gonna date me, but I remember when people used turn signals to notify other drivers of their intentions.
←Rate | 10-31-2013 05:52 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really like the phrase "inspector gadget level incompetence"
←Rate | 11-02-2013 06:58 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun thing to do #53: confuse room service bringing breakfast to you by exclaiming, "You shouldn't have! Did the children help?"
←Rate | 11-04-2013 05:37 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pretty sure my dog would make a horrible astronaut because space is a vacuum and those tend to scare her
←Rate | 11-07-2013 20:32 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Hug your casual acquaintances. Fist bump a frenemy.
←Rate | 11-07-2013 20:34 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Each cigarette you smoke takes six minutes off your life. A friend of mine was such a heavy smoker he actually went back in time.
←Rate | 11-07-2013 20:57 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon French toast is just regular toast that smokes cigarettes and has a tiny mustache.
←Rate | 11-14-2013 05:37 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mike Tyson claims he was high during fights. Strange he seemed so normal and in control of himself.
←Rate | 11-15-2013 18:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 05:32 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 05:34 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when the lamest thing in the world was to take pictures of yourself, like you had no friends
←Rate | 11-20-2013 05:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attention people that only post inspirational quotes: we know you're nuts.
←Rate | 11-25-2013 05:16 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING: PETA releases shock video of tiger, caught by toe, being detained despite hollering.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 01:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a store that already has Easter decorations out
←Rate | 11-28-2013 01:51 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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