Unknown comic Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon FACT: I've been rescheduling the same dentist appointment since 2009
←Rate | 05-20-2016 18:49 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm judge, jury, executioner, bailiff, public defender, prosecutor, and court stenographer. These budget cutbacks are brutal
←Rate | 06-18-2016 22:11 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being sick & running out of tissues makes me think about all those times I was all willy-nilly with my tissues like some millionaire.
←Rate | 07-09-2016 21:55 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Woke up this morning with a song in my heart. Sadly, that song was "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas".
←Rate | 07-09-2016 21:59 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon The way a dog that doesn't play fetch looks at a thrown ball—that's how I feel about everything.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 06:20 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you hitchhike make sure to use your thumb correctly or people might think you're just congratulating them on their excellent driving
←Rate | 07-10-2016 06:33 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon obviously I'm against a baby fight club on a moral basis but in terms of humor... it's pure gold
←Rate | 07-10-2016 06:41 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I was a ghost, I'd write "Happy Birthday" in blood on your wall for your birthday, cuz you may be cursed, but it's still your birthday.
←Rate | 07-20-2016 19:40 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Eminem should become a dentist just so he can say "snap back to reality, oh there's a cavity."
←Rate | 07-21-2016 06:55 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
←Rate | 07-23-2016 21:40 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand why they called it "WebMD" when they could have called it "Sickipedia."
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:34 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine my embarrassment at getting caught in the rain without a piña colada.
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:36 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Problems that have NOT been solved? Please join my class action suit against Vanilla Ice, who promised to solve them.
←Rate | 09-08-2016 06:01 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm starting to think Trump vs Hillary is because someone went back in time and stepped on a butterfly, and know where living in a future that was never meant to be
←Rate | 10-03-2016 05:57 by unknown comic Comments (2)  


   messageicon Password security questions allow me to relive all of my childhood traumas. "Who stood you up for Senior Prom and how did your first dog die?"
←Rate | 10-21-2016 05:11 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hangman is a great tool to teach children that if you can't spell a word, someone could lose their life because of their ignorance
←Rate | 10-21-2016 05:20 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got a white noise machine. Not sure how listening to people talk about GoT and pumpkin spice will help me sleep
←Rate | 10-25-2016 05:37 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Day one of my waffle cleanse
←Rate | 11-03-2016 05:54 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon After tomorrow we'll no longer be hating folks because of their candidate. We can go back hating them for how they eat, or what movie they like
←Rate | 11-07-2016 04:13 by Unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon 5 Stages of Grief: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Complaining online 4. Complaining online 5. Complaining online
←Rate | 11-10-2016 05:49 by unknown comic Comments (0)  



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