Truman Funny Status Messages

   I bet kangaroos get tired of holding all of their friend's keys and phones while they're at the beach?

   I'd just like to congratulate the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table! They're basically everywhere now!

   it just me, or is anyone else finding it difficult to log on to dyslexics.moc?

   Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!

   I've started visiting orgies dressed as a Ninja-Turtle! I'm really coming out of my shell these days!

   The ancient Egyptians had strict burial requirements, which included being dug up & displayed in a museum years later?

   I remember going to see Dr Hook in the 80s. Worst prostate exam ever!! 😲

   British PhD student Matthew Hedges has been pardoned in the United Arab Emirates! All he has to do is visit the Embassy to pick up his papers!

   "Who let the dogs out?" - [Pavlov getting annoyed]

   Not so great minds also think alike!

   I would pay so much money to watch the Harlem Globetrotters change a baby!

   If I were any more hungry right now, Madonna would adopt me!

   In 1984 a light aircraft killed a jogger while making an emergency landing on a South Carolina beach.. which is why I don't jog!!

   I went to my girlfriend’s funeral today..and met her parents for the first time! What a pair of miserable folks!

   "So this is Christmas, and what have you done?" The start of a John Lennon song, or the wife about to start an argument?

   Spent the last twenty minutes trying to get my sideburns even and now I'm sporting a Mohawk!

   Pictures of missing rich kids should go on the back of skimmed-milk!

   Show me a man who calls himself a vegan and I'll show you a man who's trying to sleep with a vegan!

   I noticed that the killer crocodile had an 80s dude on his shirt pocket!

   If whales are so smart, why do they swim so close to Japan?