Bobo the Chimp Funny Status Messages

   Helen Keller wrote 12 books and I just put my shirt on inside out.

   FYI those little crosses along the interstate aren't for squirrel crucifixions. I was wrong.

   "This is where the magic happens" ~Me on a first date to a magic show

   *Shows up to salsa lessons with Tostitos* Haha what the heck are you idiots doing

   Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.

   I will cause a 12-car pileup before I let you last-minute merge.

   Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting's titty, not ok. Apparently.

   Yes, how much for the baby jacuzzi? Ma'am, that's a crockpot.

   Ariana Grande is just a fancy way to order a medium ariana.

   Alcohol is the leading cause of me getting yelled at for being a Pterodactyl on the coffee table.

   In Finland when a baby is born you just throw a bunch of magnetic letters at the fridge and that's its name.

   When I squeeze a tube of 'whitening toothpaste' and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.

   What time does that rioting and looting reality show start tonight?

   I'm just here so I won't get fined.

   Hopefully Harrison Ford replaced his divot.

   Which part of this $5.99 Walmart t-shirt makes you wonder if I would like to see the wine list?

   Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.