andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to a job they hate, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 19:10 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 05:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
←Rate | 09-30-2014 05:26 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dream about naps.
←Rate | 10-08-2014 05:23 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message is like looking directly into the sun?
←Rate | 08-06-2014 04:28 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon No thanks CVS, I don’t need a bag. I’ll just wrap up my purchase in the 12 foot receipt you just gave me.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I was rich, I'd do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
←Rate | 01-25-2015 06:03 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Money not buying you happiness? Wire it into my account and I'll send you pictures of how happy it makes me. Problem solved.
←Rate | 09-26-2013 05:33 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I carry a yoga mat but it's only because I get sleepy after lunch
←Rate | 10-03-2015 09:55 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The number of people that confuse 'to' and 'too' is two darn high.
←Rate | 10-10-2014 05:24 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If history has taught us anything, it's that reheated french fries are gross.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 06:42 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.
←Rate | 09-15-2013 07:10 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon And with the official start of baseball season today, the Chicago Cubs have already been eliminated from the playoffs.
←Rate | 04-02-2013 06:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I run a support group for cats that have never had their pics posted on the internet.
←Rate | 09-25-2014 12:13 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess it's time to face the reality that I just do not want to rock and roll all night. Nor do I wish to party eva-ree day.
←Rate | 06-07-2014 16:09 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
←Rate | 05-15-2014 05:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying
←Rate | 02-20-2015 05:32 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just called. To say. I texted you.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:01 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I'm 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
←Rate | 05-04-2014 08:40 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a financial adviser asks me my goals I'm embarrassed to admit that it's to ride a snowmobile on the moon
←Rate | 02-09-2014 07:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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