SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   All I heard was, "I swear it'll be funny"... Then we were in jail.

   I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway.

   Just changed the names of all the girls in my contact list to: "Jake, from State Farm"

   There's a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the "close this ad" button.

   Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.

   Everyone has the one mysterious toothbrush in the bathroom that nobody in your house uses or knows anything about.

   You think you're pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone else's shower.

   If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.

   I removed my windshield wipers and now I don't get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!

   I just accidentally mixed 'I cant believe its not butter' with my regluar butter...now I dont know what to believe.

   My wax museum is going to start small by focusing on famous people who look like candles.

   I wish I could commute by roller coaster.

   I haven't showered today and can smell yesterday on me. But I kicked ass yesterday. So I might just ride this smell out.

   Dear clever comeback, can you come BEFORE the argument is over. Thanks!

   I see you're playing stupid. Looks like you're winning too.

   Today, I found out that ‘Made in China' stickers are made in Korea. Mind = BLOWN!

   Ben Franklin started 1st Colonial Printing Press using Hemp paper. Not saying he smoked it. Lots of sober guys fly kites in Thunderstorms.

   Going to Mark Zuckerberg's house to move around all his furniture and see how he likes it!

   In real life, I never know when danger is coming because the music doesn't change.

   Today I saw a baby with a bib that said “This dumba$$ put my cape on backwards.”