SEAN Funny Status Messages

   GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your girlfriend with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

   As a child, I used to play with an imaginary man who lived in a well. He'd be all, "Please, I'm not imaginary!" and I'd just laugh and laugh

   I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.

   I'm starting to think the Jackson family might have some problems.

   Its taken me 20 some odd years to figure out who was the favorite child, until I went to my moms basement last week and found a box labled Sean's bath toys- It was a radio and toaster..

   One thing you always pay full price for is other peoples mistakes...

   The guy who invented "Take Your Child To Work Day" probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on the way to work.

   When talking with a woman in her 30s, it's super important to always pretend to be shocked when she tells you she's in her 30s.

   Just watched Jersey Shore for 5 minutes and now I realize why we have to do things like write "do not eat" on dry silica packets.

   Calling "shotgun" is great way to lighten the mood when getting in the squad car after the cops arrest you.

   It's depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.

   Sorry, but your kids don't look adorable when they lose their teeth, they look like tiny homeless people.

   I just accidentally sat through the commercials of a show recorded on my DVR. Every time I do that, a part of me dies.

   I can't help but feel important when someone says there's a special place in hell for people like me.

   Box wine? I prefer the term Cardboardeaux.

   The mirrors in my house have been pretty sarcastic lately.

   Two things you should never do to a woman is lie to them and be completely honest with them.

   So, you're telling me my credit score should have three digits?

   To the additional pot that was on the stove after I thought I was done washing the dishes, I hate your stinkin' guts.

   Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.