minnie haha Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
←Rate | 03-31-2013 21:52 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daylight Savings Time means I’ll be hungover one hour less than usual this Sunday.
←Rate | 03-09-2013 17:46 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon News Alert for New Years Eve!! Government warning!!! According to the Surgeon General: When women consume alcohol, it impairs their ability to say “no”! So.... who's buying me a drink?
←Rate | 12-31-2012 11:59 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon As I scroll through my FB feed this holiday season, I find myself overcome with emotion and love. And then I remember I've had a lot of tequila and eggnog and I pass out on the floor.
←Rate | 12-20-2012 21:18 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Google... sqrt(cos(x))*cos(300x)+sqrt(abs(x))-0.7)*(4-x*x)^0.01, sqrt(6-x^2), -sqrt(6-x^2) from -4.5 to 4.5
←Rate | 02-13-2013 12:05 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just tried to kill a spider with hairspray. He's still alive, but his hair looks outstanding.
←Rate | 09-01-2012 23:59 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
←Rate | 01-16-2013 22:17 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
←Rate | 04-24-2013 12:26 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon The snippy little nurse told me to piss in a cup. So I told her to go fart in a jar. And the fight was on.
←Rate | 04-25-2013 21:23 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon A relationship is like a house. If a light bulb goes out, you don’t buy a new house. You fix the light bulb.....Unless the house is a total jerk-off. In that case, you burn that sucker down and buy a better house with good light bulbs.
←Rate | 01-09-2013 14:04 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're still here on December 22nd, you'll know I have successfully saved the world. In appreciation, I will accept money, exotic cars, and property as a form of payment. Now, if you'll excuse me....I have a job to do.
←Rate | 11-30-2012 20:08 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else having trouble with these nicotine patches? Mine melt as soon as I light them.
←Rate | 03-12-2013 22:26 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
←Rate | 03-27-2013 19:22 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
←Rate | 02-14-2013 22:57 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kiss me ~ it's midnight somewhere.
←Rate | 12-31-2012 11:43 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've just invented a wireless, battery-free, hand operated hair-dryer.....I think I'll call it a 'Towel'.
←Rate | 01-01-2013 14:32 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon This complimentary lemonade at the doctor's office tastes funny.
←Rate | 03-11-2013 12:22 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband got fired from his job at the deli for putting his finger in the pickle slicer. To be fair, she got fired, too...
←Rate | 11-04-2012 22:27 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Another World's Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
←Rate | 06-28-2013 22:56 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whatever you do - when a policeman comes to your door with his handcuffs out and asks for you, do not try to put a dollar bill in his belt using your teeth. .....do not ask me how I know that.
←Rate | 09-20-2013 21:25 by minnie haha Comments (0)  



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