Tim Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon wouldn't join any club that would accept him as a member.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 20:58 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever a bird poops on my car I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I'm capable of.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 18:22 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you are a kid, it makes you proud when someone says "Wow! You’ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
←Rate | 07-03-2013 15:38 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders if suacide bombers text. "BRB ... J/K! I won't BRB." Or, "TTFN SYIHW72V" = ta ta for now, see you in heaven with 72 virgins.
←Rate | 02-28-2010 22:35 by Tim Comments (1)  


   messageicon stealing mannequin legs -- the make great stocking stuffers.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 11:16 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon In Texas, the words Texas & Taxes sound alike. This makes today confusing for them, I bet. I'm not concered, I already did my Texas.
←Rate | 04-15-2010 08:34 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve often wondered what an atheist would do if stuck behind a car that wasn’t moving at a green light and had a bumper sticker on it that said "Honk if you love Jesus."
←Rate | 07-03-2013 15:35 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a f@#king dragon and sh!t myself.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 15:47 by tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 16:39 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet the YMCA dance is a lot harder to do in Chinese.
←Rate | 07-03-2013 15:36 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You want the booth?!? You can't handle the booth!" Jack Nicholson working at Perkins
←Rate | 04-11-2010 22:14 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon and always will be the man (most of you have to grow some before using this)
←Rate | 02-21-2010 00:23 by tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Slut? Weeeeell, let's just say she's had more d1ck ends than weekends.
←Rate | 08-18-2012 12:15 by Tim Comments (0)  


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