StonerDudee Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I'm kidding, it's her boobs.
←Rate | 09-06-2012 13:53 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw some black kids spraypainting their names on a wall and decided to join in. I'd only done the first three letters of my name when they started beating the sh*t out of me. They obviously don't like people called Nigel.
←Rate | 03-30-2013 17:49 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Wednesday because this is bulls**t."
←Rate | 12-31-2012 16:08 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate's face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.
←Rate | 10-20-2012 12:17 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become status updates
←Rate | 07-18-2012 20:57 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wake up relatively happy every morning. Then I interact with other people and things change quickly.
←Rate | 07-14-2012 12:35 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn't like.
←Rate | 06-13-2012 22:04 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a bald spot in my yard so I'm gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
←Rate | 07-07-2013 23:44 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cell phone, I dont know why you keep capitalizing VODKA, But I like the way you party....
←Rate | 06-21-2012 17:34 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your drug dealer is always on time, he's a cop
←Rate | 09-27-2013 20:25 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter's school concert.
←Rate | 12-22-2014 10:17 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon After filling up my gas tank this morning before work, I realized that I didn't want to eat for the rest of the week anyway.
←Rate | 11-19-2012 23:56 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
←Rate | 09-25-2013 19:44 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
←Rate | 08-19-2012 10:08 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor's coupons?
←Rate | 10-29-2014 19:29 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sure, whitepeople can't say the "n-word" but at least we can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer" and, "hey dad"
←Rate | 09-11-2014 21:24 by StonerDudee Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm going to walmart in a few minutes....does this belt look OK with these sweat pants?
←Rate | 07-17-2012 22:07 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I'm the a$$hole for tripping him??
←Rate | 07-14-2012 12:31 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 12:11 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon On the bright side, selfie sticks are also lightning rods.
←Rate | 06-18-2015 22:47 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  




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