StonerDudee Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I saw some black kids spraypainting their names on a wall and decided to join in. I'd only done the first three letters of my name when they started beating the sh*t out of me. They obviously don't like people called Nigel.
←Rate | 03-30-2013 17:49 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Wednesday because this is bulls**t."
←Rate | 12-31-2012 16:08 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
←Rate | 01-29-2014 13:06 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate's face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.
←Rate | 10-20-2012 12:17 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become status updates
←Rate | 07-18-2012 20:57 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever feel unconfident in your body, just remember that pornhub wouldn't keep their fat girl category if guys didn't like it and it wasn't making them money.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 00:40 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wake up relatively happy every morning. Then I interact with other people and things change quickly.
←Rate | 07-14-2012 12:35 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a bald spot in my yard so I'm gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
←Rate | 07-07-2013 23:44 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn't like.
←Rate | 06-13-2012 22:04 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I'm kidding, it's her boobs.
←Rate | 09-06-2012 13:53 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cell phone, I dont know why you keep capitalizing VODKA, But I like the way you party....
←Rate | 06-21-2012 17:34 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your drug dealer is always on time, he's a cop
←Rate | 09-27-2013 20:25 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter's school concert.
←Rate | 12-22-2014 10:17 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon After filling up my gas tank this morning before work, I realized that I didn't want to eat for the rest of the week anyway.
←Rate | 11-19-2012 23:56 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
←Rate | 09-25-2013 19:44 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor's coupons?
←Rate | 10-29-2014 19:29 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
←Rate | 08-19-2012 10:08 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to walmart in a few minutes....does this belt look OK with these sweat pants?
←Rate | 07-17-2012 22:07 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I'm the a$$hole for tripping him??
←Rate | 07-14-2012 12:31 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 12:11 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  



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