MBH Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 19:03 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to walk around my house naked... Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 08:35 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at that very brief period of drunk right now where I love my life and everybody in it.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:11 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and then a diet coke?
←Rate | 08-26-2010 19:39 by MBH Comments (6)  


   messageicon Are there any workout programs that target the face? You really need one of those.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 23:22 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks for the passive aggressive facebook status about me, but I'm taking the passively passive approach by not caring.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:30 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon If people ask me a question I don't know the answer to I usually just punch them in the face. I'd rather be an asshole than stupid.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 05:12 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon THEY'RE going THERE with THEIR friends. Seriously it's not rocket science.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 18:45 by MBH Comments (8)  


   messageicon I think this person in the bank drive thru in front of me is refinancing their mortgage.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:04 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Surgery went well... thanks everyone for the cards and flowers, but get real people... send food!
←Rate | 08-31-2010 16:50 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're wearing sweat pants either you just worked out or you've never worked out.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 12:35 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best don't-drink-and-drive message ever would be if the Budweiser blimp crashed into the Goodyear blimp during a game.
←Rate | 09-06-2010 11:27 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing I hate about having a phone is when people call.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 12:22 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife called, she said, "2 packages arrived today. The 1st was your PS3 and the 2nd is the new Rampant Rabbit vibrator we ordered. I can't wait for you to get home and play with me for hours." I said, "You'll be f*cking lucky, I only ordered 1 controller.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 13:27 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of all the advice given to me over the years, "There really is no bad time for a beer" has proved to be the most helpful. Thanks ma.
←Rate | 03-25-2014 15:49 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to name my dog Curiosity and see what my cat loving friends think about that.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 12:48 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was older I used to love playing around with time machines.
←Rate | 08-26-2010 17:49 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should really replace, "I now pronounce you man and wife" with "FINISH HIM!!!" (mortal combat music blasting)
←Rate | 09-01-2010 18:48 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife treats me like a god... She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 14:10 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You think you're better than me?" No, I don't fall prey to the notion that one person can be 'better' than another. How good a person is, is completely impossible to quantify. I do think I'm smarter than you, though. And infinitely more awesome.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:47 by MBH Comments (0)  



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