HiYourJon Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon it called NASCAR because that's the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car?"
←Rate | 07-12-2013 11:21 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cellphones have two brightness settings: “dim” and “the messiah is back”
←Rate | 06-11-2013 20:49 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon This cab driver is THE WORST. I keep telling him "You passed my house, let me out" & he's all like "Sir I'm a cop and your under arrest for public nudity and intoxication."
←Rate | 04-15-2012 17:51 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My three favorite shows about murderers are Dexter, Hannibal, and SportsCenter.
←Rate | 07-01-2013 12:38 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They've obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
←Rate | 08-08-2013 05:53 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads
←Rate | 06-29-2013 23:39 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like every episode of Cops was filmed in June of 1993.
←Rate | 06-03-2013 15:00 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are like snowflakes. I only like them on Christmas.
←Rate | 05-07-2013 01:56 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon What idiot named it toilet paper instead of crapkins
←Rate | 12-09-2013 13:33 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate people who can't make up their minds. I love them.
←Rate | 05-06-2012 14:41 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
←Rate | 07-17-2013 14:40 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you get a fat girl to sleep with you? Oh c'mon guys... It's a piece of cake!
←Rate | 01-17-2014 01:08 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer. That means the average human gets 41 miles per gallon.
←Rate | 06-23-2013 21:55 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
←Rate | 11-16-2013 00:48 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.
←Rate | 07-19-2014 22:09 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
←Rate | 07-23-2013 21:28 by HiYourJon Comments (1)  


   messageicon Never share secrets with bank employees, they're all tellers. 
←Rate | 06-25-2012 15:05 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women complain that they should be treated more equally. OK fine. Next time a ship sinks in the ocean, you ladies don't get to get off first.
←Rate | 07-19-2013 18:12 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon "The Empire Strikes Back" is SO unrealistic... No WAY the black guy would ever admit to being the father.
←Rate | 11-13-2013 21:12 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was voted 'Most Paranoid' by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
←Rate | 10-06-2013 10:52 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  




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