Daheavy1 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If there was a hero that saved people from awkward conversations, he'd be more popular than Superman
←Rate | 11-05-2011 16:49 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe they let people own guns. Public toilets are all the proof we need that humans have horrible aim.
←Rate | 01-03-2012 19:09 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you fat when you use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
←Rate | 05-21-2013 13:26 by Daheavy1 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
←Rate | 04-18-2014 18:34 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
←Rate | 06-25-2012 11:36 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
←Rate | 06-07-2014 00:49 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
←Rate | 02-15-2014 12:23 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spilling your drink is the adult equivalent of letting your balloon go.
←Rate | 05-07-2014 10:16 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "That's what" -She
←Rate | 09-29-2012 01:42 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's.
←Rate | 01-26-2016 00:19 by daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
←Rate | 11-15-2014 11:20 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 11:29 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Technically, we're all half centaur.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 01:22 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any post that doesn't have to do with Dumbo is simply irrelephant
←Rate | 08-30-2011 13:53 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
←Rate | 02-15-2014 12:22 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one has it worse than the duck that's allergic to gluten.
←Rate | 05-13-2013 20:08 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police
←Rate | 11-17-2011 18:26 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke...?
←Rate | 10-18-2011 15:48 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attention!!! Christmas has been canceled this year!!! I told Santa that I had been good. He died laughing...
←Rate | 12-21-2011 11:47 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon New camo condoms! She'll never see you coming again.
←Rate | 09-21-2012 11:14 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


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