Bobo The Chimp Funny Status Messages

   Which part of this $5.99 Walmart t-shirt makes you wonder if I would like to see the wine list?

   All dogs go to heaven. All cats go to purr-gatory.

   In Finland when a baby is born you just throw a bunch of magnetic letters at the fridge and that's its name.

   I only speak to telemarketers when they refer to me as 'Your Highness' and if they keep taking off a piece of clothing every 30 seconds.

   Yes, how much for the baby jacuzzi? Ma'am, that's a crockpot.

   Alcohol is the leading cause of me getting yelled at for being a Pterodactyl on the coffee table.

   May the 4th be with you. To celebrate I just put a C-3PO action figure in my bum.

   If the g-string is any indicator, the g-spot is somewhere near the anus.

   *Shows up to salsa lessons with Tostitos* Haha what the heck are you idiots doing

   When God closes a door, he opens a window. Our heating bill is outrageous and six raccoons got in last night. Please God, this has to stop.

   "This is where the magic happens" ~Me on a first date to a magic show

   FYI those little crosses along the interstate aren't for squirrel crucifixions. I was wrong.

   Follow Does this Dress make me look cross-dresserish?

   Does the plus sign mean Google tested positive for Facebook?

   I want my hour of sleep back.

   Praying that Jennifer Lawrence's hacker did not find my secret selfies...

   I wonder if Facebook farmers have sex with their Farmville sheep, and 'like' it.