BigSarge Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Why are there jelly donuts but no peanut butter donuts? And why no peanut butter and jelly donuts? And why is my mother an alcoholic?
←Rate | 05-22-2013 04:22 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the two former Facebook "Friends" who just un-friended me: It was the status about throwing kittens in the lake right? They all had life jackets on..... They are safe & now drying in my microwave.
←Rate | 07-09-2013 22:01 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to dogs.
←Rate | 04-18-2013 19:05 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's just ADORABLE how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won't be back tomorrow.
←Rate | 05-20-2013 19:36 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder what my dogs named me?
←Rate | 11-18-2014 18:26 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ok A$$hole, just go around me. I'm already doing 40 over the limit, and I'm not speeding up. Stupid tailgater..... With your stupid flashing lights
←Rate | 03-17-2013 02:24 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes, at the end, I press the "Add 30 Sec" button on the microwave just to show "Swanson's" who's REALLY in charge up in this MoFo!!
←Rate | 12-06-2013 22:27 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex education, the ONLY class I ever did home work for!!
←Rate | 01-24-2013 21:31 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh me? Just sitting around the office explaining Facebook to my Boss...... If anybody asks it's $49.99 to join & I discuss a lot of DIY projects in my status updates.
←Rate | 11-16-2013 22:42 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stay drunk because it costs so much to start from sober.
←Rate | 06-30-2013 13:51 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just checked my credit score. Damn it!!! They won.
←Rate | 02-23-2013 02:37 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon n't sending a girl to drama class kind of like sending an Irish kid to drinking lessons?
←Rate | 05-09-2013 04:29 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
←Rate | 05-24-2013 16:31 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love a good political joke. Unless it gets elected president...
←Rate | 02-23-2013 02:33 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't like my Facebook updates, please feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends' pages where the "big news" of the day is when one of their grandkids finally took a $h!t all by themselves.
←Rate | 04-18-2013 19:04 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Telling your woman to calm down, works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.
←Rate | 03-12-2013 21:37 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Single mothers must make the toughest decisions every day...... Decisions like "Which of my children's toys is giving up its batteries for mommy's toy?"
←Rate | 11-29-2013 01:53 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Britt's..... I'm one of those "Smelly Fuck" Americans and I have a question for you... I found this old looking sword that has "Property of Cornwallis" stamped on the blade somewhere near Yorktown.... Does it belong to one of you guys?
←Rate | 04-27-2012 01:52 by BigSarge Comments (1)  


   messageicon You play your Candy Crush. I'll play with myself.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 16:50 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I'll scream out "FACEBOOK WH0RE"!!!!! in the middle of the mall just to see how many of you are out there.
←Rate | 06-09-2013 03:12 by BigSarge Comments (0)  



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