Baddie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you keep your child on a leash in public, I will not hesitate to ask "Does he bite?"
←Rate | 06-07-2012 14:01 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a romantic song comes on the radio, I always take her hand in mine, and whisper softly in her ear, "Please change the radio station."
←Rate | 02-17-2013 12:58 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon And then God said, "Let the women have feelings. A lot of feelings. Like, all of the feelings."
←Rate | 04-23-2013 13:10 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife said that my pen!s closely resembles a Tic Tac. She was proud of her remark until I asked her why her sister still has bad breath then.
←Rate | 04-21-2012 08:29 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coworker said 'nice pink shirt, when did you come out?' I said 'IT'S NOT PINK IT'S SALMON!'. Then I snapped my fingers and skipped away.
←Rate | 03-22-2013 13:06 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
←Rate | 05-16-2013 01:06 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kristen Stewart doesn't get enough credit for her acting ability. I thought she was great as "Wilson" in Cast Away
←Rate | 06-08-2013 14:14 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon By the time most women are comfortable with their bodies, I'm not.
←Rate | 10-03-2012 10:20 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you leave the sexual innuendo door open even the slightest bit I will come crashing through it like the Kool Aid Man.
←Rate | 07-08-2013 08:40 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm bored. Maybe I should leave the house and check Facebook from somewhere else.
←Rate | 06-15-2013 16:03 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to do nothing for people. Then when they say " Thanks for nothing", I say It was the least I could do.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 14:39 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.
←Rate | 07-13-2013 06:26 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when a selfie was some lotion and a box of Kleenex.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 01:49 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
←Rate | 07-01-2014 01:13 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t understand ads on p0rn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
←Rate | 03-19-2014 14:14 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon unfortunately, my day dreams about being skinny are always interrupted with the sounds of my chewing.
←Rate | 04-25-2012 15:35 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to this bathroom stall, my ex changed her number again.
←Rate | 11-12-2012 12:23 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
←Rate | 07-11-2014 02:38 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
←Rate | 08-07-2014 13:38 by Baddie Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just counted 37 things at my work that I could kill my boss with.
←Rate | 06-01-2013 12:41 by Baddie Comments (0)  



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