Baddie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
←Rate | 07-01-2014 01:05 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife and I have the cutest nicknames for each other. She is my buttercup and i'm her useless sack of s hit.
←Rate | 10-05-2012 14:21 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
←Rate | 03-03-2013 06:11 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every mile you jog adds 1 minute to your life, so when you're 85 you can spend an extra 5 months in a nursing home at $8,000 per month.
←Rate | 06-25-2012 12:46 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon And then God said, "Let the women have feelings. A lot of feelings. Like, all of the feelings."
←Rate | 04-23-2013 13:10 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a romantic song comes on the radio, I always take her hand in mine, and whisper softly in her ear, "Please change the radio station."
←Rate | 02-17-2013 12:58 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you keep your child on a leash in public, I will not hesitate to ask "Does he bite?"
←Rate | 06-07-2012 14:01 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coworker said 'nice pink shirt, when did you come out?' I said 'IT'S NOT PINK IT'S SALMON!'. Then I snapped my fingers and skipped away.
←Rate | 03-22-2013 13:06 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
←Rate | 05-16-2013 01:06 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kristen Stewart doesn't get enough credit for her acting ability. I thought she was great as "Wilson" in Cast Away
←Rate | 06-08-2013 14:14 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to do nothing for people. Then when they say " Thanks for nothing", I say It was the least I could do.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 14:39 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you leave the sexual innuendo door open even the slightest bit I will come crashing through it like the Kool Aid Man.
←Rate | 07-08-2013 08:40 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon By the time most women are comfortable with their bodies, I'm not.
←Rate | 10-03-2012 10:20 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a girl doesn't invite me up to her place after a date I just assume it's because she's a hoarder with 30 kitty cats.
←Rate | 10-15-2012 13:41 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm bored. Maybe I should leave the house and check Facebook from somewhere else.
←Rate | 06-15-2013 16:03 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My resume is basically a list of things I hate to do.
←Rate | 05-07-2014 10:10 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be a separate social networking site for people who post inspirational quotes.
←Rate | 09-29-2012 07:17 by Baddie Comments (1)  


   messageicon Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
←Rate | 07-01-2014 01:13 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t understand ads on p0rn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
←Rate | 03-19-2014 14:14 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon unfortunately, my day dreams about being skinny are always interrupted with the sounds of my chewing.
←Rate | 04-25-2012 15:35 by Baddie Comments (0)  




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