Funny Status Messages

   Maybe I should have just gotten in the van.

   If women are always right,why do they always picking wrong men?

   Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I'm pretty sure she'll figure out that I'm just after my money.

   Remember: One person's LOL is another person's WTF.

   Actually I don't think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.

   I have a sneaking suspicion that Elton John couldn’t have cared less about how tight Susie wore her dresses.

   It's just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms

   If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.

   If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.

   There was a homeless man I was going to give a dollar to untill I read the sign he was holding that read "One day this could be you." So I put the dollar back in my pocket in case he may be right.

   Rich men treat ladies the way ladies treat broke men.

   Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.

   On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.

   Every time the doorbell rings my dog will go and sit in a corner........ He' a boxer.

   I wanted to be an astronaut until I found out they make you come back.

   There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.

   if the Earth is flat, then my belly is too.

   At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it

   I love dieting I'm actually on 4 diets: Chinese, American, Italian and Mexican.

   Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let's just keep it in the carton, ok?