Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3009 of 6369
When people start a sentence with "Do you know what your problem is?" I interrupt and start telling them all my problems. They never expect that!
←Rate |
11-03-2011 14:24 by Slasher
Comments (0)
To show you all how much I care...this Valentines's I've randomly scattered bouquets of flowers around local cemetaries for you to find...Happy Valentines Day!...
←Rate |
02-14-2012 08:48
Comments (0)
NASCAR, NBA All Star Game AND The Oscars...Thank G0D there's the Cartoon Network.
←Rate |
02-26-2012 19:58 by Mickey
Comments (0)
Timex and Tampax should get together and invent something to let guys know its her time of the month.
For as little as $1 a day,,,, You can feed a family of 5 ducks chunks of bread down at your local pond.
←Rate |
06-10-2012 20:16 by snotty
Comments (0)
Girls want a guy who is "funny and spontaneous", but when I tap on a girls window at night dressed as a clown, she flips out!
←Rate |
06-25-2012 22:04 by BEGO
Comments (0)
Police Officer: "How high are you?" Stoner: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
OMG Starbucks is raising the cost of coffees/lattes by another 10 cents..I cant afford it anymore!!!!!!!!! $ 4.50 was the highest I could pay !!!!
I'd go out more if I could bring my dog, b0ng, couch, and blanket with me.
←Rate |
01-09-2012 15:47
Comments (0)
"Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge."
Just choked down three bites of a gas station hot dog and now I have 7 kinds of ass cancer.
Happy Mothers Day to all of you moms and single moms. Also, if any of you women are looking to be a mom; hit me up on the DM.
←Rate |
05-13-2012 17:38
Comments (0)
There's only two ways to start your drive thru order: Hi I'd like to order or Lemme get a uhhh
←Rate |
04-06-2012 09:27 by flinnie
Comments (0)
I sent that b!tch a smiley face. B!tches LOVE smiley faces
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out
←Rate |
03-15-2012 15:03 by Missy
Comments (0)
Big girls don't cry. (They eat)
←Rate |
01-03-2012 13:46 by Baddie
Comments (0)
Obama loves the Poor so much that he created Millions more.
←Rate |
10-04-2016 18:40
Comments (0)
hopes there is never another NFL game again until people act grown up and forget money and remember the sacrifice of Pat Tillman. (Research it)
←Rate |
04-23-2011 09:13
Comments (0)
why do we close our eyes when we pray? when we cry? when we dream? when we kiss? cuz we know that most beautiful things in life are not seen, but felt by the heart.
←Rate |
10-02-2010 23:06
Comments (0)
Never expecting the unexpected making the unexpected the expected
←Rate |
08-20-2008 23:52 by Kimmy
Comments (0)