Jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Thank you student loans for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 19:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got gas today for a $1.39....... unfortunately it was from Taco Bell.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 03:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 23:35 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon I injured my privets in a surfing accident. I slam my laptop closed when my wife walked into the room.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 23:52 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If dentist make money from people with bad teeth. Why should we use a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 of them reconmend?
←Rate | 02-13-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon AA meetings would be less boring if you could drink at them.
←Rate | 02-28-2018 17:32 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so glad my boss can't hear what I'm thinking.
←Rate | 10-02-2017 22:44 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
←Rate | 06-14-2018 18:14 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I married a nymphomaniac. Now after 5 years of marriage, the nympho is gone. And I'm left with the maniac.
←Rate | 02-26-2018 23:15 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was a homeless man I was going to give a dollar to untill I read the sign he was holding that read "One day this could be you." So I put the dollar back in my pocket in case he may be right.
←Rate | 05-08-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 22:40 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon To show my girlfriend I liked her cooking I had a second slice of her gravy.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 22:34 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stopped eating natural foods when I found out that most people die from natural causes.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 17:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once was brave enough to shave my privates with a straight razor. But now I don't have the balls to do it again.
←Rate | 01-18-2018 21:25 by JAKE Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It's the coming back home part that bothers me.
←Rate | 03-28-2018 00:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my son got his driver's license. He ask if I would get him something cheap to run around in. So I got him a pair of Keds sneakers.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 05:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always know what my wife is saying....... She can talk 50% faster than I can listen
←Rate | 05-02-2018 14:37 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon What dad's really would like for father'r day. To be left alone so they can drink their beer in peace.
←Rate | 06-16-2018 22:48 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I could climb mountians. Now I have to steady my self to fart.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 22:40 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never make any plans unless I have a way of getting out of them.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 14:45 by Jake Comments (0)  


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