Jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My brother has stop talking to his wife after she refused to join the mile high club with him. If I know her she doesn't give a flying fu*k.
←Rate | 03-18-2018 00:32 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I start wearing an earring when my wife found it in our bed.
←Rate | 03-18-2018 00:12 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm in my 60's and a three time a night man. So I need to cut back on the liquids I drink before going to bed.
←Rate | 03-18-2018 00:04 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife was going wild in the sack last night. I eventually had to get up and let her out of it.
←Rate | 03-17-2018 23:41 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife could get a job in earthquake prediction. She can find a fault quicker than anyone.
←Rate | 03-17-2018 23:37 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A man who is not married tends to go through life enjoying his life.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 05:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Mexicans may not be happy with the building of trump's wall. But they will get over it.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 00:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know I'am a man and not a mouse. If I were a mouse my wife would be afraid of me.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 00:19 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been married for 14 years. The bad part, I don't recall ever breaking two mirriors.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 00:16 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The real reason Trump has fired so many people is, he really likes eating their going away cake.
←Rate | 03-15-2018 01:34 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not one for eating oat-meal. My box of Quaker oats is so old that picture of the quarker on the box has brown hair.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 23:31 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun fact: Daylight saving time is almost a 100 years old. It was enacted on March 19 1918.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 22:40 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon On the day that daylight saving time begins. Every husband should have sex with their wife at 1:55am this way the wife can't complain about it only lasting ten minutes
←Rate | 03-10-2018 21:16 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon After just winning a four month battle with my oven clock it's dayligit saving time and back to the battle.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 19:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Woman claim that they are good at multitasking. If so why can't they have sex and a headache at the same time
←Rate | 03-10-2018 17:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Easter is April 1st this year which is also April fool's day. So to celecrate both days together, I will be dyeing raw eggs this year.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:46 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon To keep the kids occupied all day on Easter, only hide 3 eggs for the Earter egg hunt.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon . My mother in-law is drowning, I've informed emergency services. Hope they get my letter in time to save her.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 01:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son is really struggling with english in school. Nobody else in his class can speak it.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 01:17 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the teacher pointed her ruler at me and said their's an idiot at the end of this ruler. I said which end?
←Rate | 03-07-2018 23:38 by Jake Comments (2)  


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