Gil Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
←Rate | 06-17-2014 15:45 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friends call me "Cruiser", because I like fast cars, fast women.....and the back seat of police cars.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 15:42 by GIL Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: POST OFFICE RAISES 1ST CLASS STAMPS FROM 46 CENTS TO 49 CENTS: Really???.... couldn't you just say 50 cents and save 2 slots in your cash drawer and millions of hours counting change??
←Rate | 01-24-2014 18:00 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2 large ships stuck in ice during Antarctic summer. One of them an icebreaker. Al Gore could not be reached for comment.
←Rate | 12-28-2013 18:32 by gil Comments (1)  


   messageicon I think during every government shut-down, we should declare a Purge, just like in the movie.
←Rate | 10-01-2013 12:33 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Q: What's long and hard that a girl marrying a Polish guy gets on her wedding night?....... A: his last name.
←Rate | 09-15-2013 18:43 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Really smart Jehovah witnesses follow the FedEx Truck and pizza delivery man on Saturdays.
←Rate | 09-09-2013 20:21 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do I get no "likes" when I mention cocaine and strippers in the same sentence?
←Rate | 08-03-2013 02:25 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Living alone means never having to close the bathroom door or having to spray air freshener when you're done.
←Rate | 07-29-2013 10:08 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think facebook was originally invented by pharmaceutical companies as a way to create 50 million new insomniacs overnight and boost Ambien sales. Zuckerberg just took all the credit.
←Rate | 07-29-2013 10:06 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon We're up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn't they just create a weekly TV series?
←Rate | 07-19-2013 17:00 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so I can "like it" and laugh
←Rate | 06-04-2013 21:26 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today I wish a Happy Easter to my Greek Orthodox and Russian friends. Your ancestors really sucked at reading the calendar.
←Rate | 05-04-2013 16:26 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon When is a good time to mention St Patrick wasn't Irish, he was the son of slave-owning Roman nobility born in England and his color wasn't green, it was blue? Not today then?
←Rate | 03-17-2013 14:54 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon To pay for my funeral, I'm going to sell tickets and DVDs of my death-bed confession and I will be accepting bribes from people to be left out of it.
←Rate | 01-08-2013 17:03 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear English Majors: How did the word "Dingleberry" get it's name?
←Rate | 12-11-2012 23:15 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only 33 days until the end of the world. Why is everyone acting so normal?
←Rate | 11-09-2012 12:31 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope everyone's fridge gets knocked out in the storm. Bama voters will be in line for new food-stamps instead of voting.
←Rate | 10-29-2012 15:27 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Demonstrators storm the US embassy in Yemen. Didn't Samuel L. Jackson already make a movie about this?
←Rate | 09-13-2012 07:06 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
←Rate | 09-06-2012 16:38 by gil Comments (0)  




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