father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Found out my father is voting for Hillary, which is strange since he died in 2004

   My father taught me that Respect was something that had to be earned ..... So I'm still trying to figure out how looting and burning other peoples stuff is supposed to build respect for your cause.

   Donald Trump Jr should not make fun of Skittles and Syrian refugees -- his mother is an immigrant and his father is an orange Skittle.

   Donald Trump's father's favorite song was "This Land is my Land, This Land is my Land."

   .. Turns out it's true that Malia Obama was smoking a joint .... But so what? .... What's the big deal ... Her father does it too.

   ... So Hillary invites the father of the Orlando Gay Nightclub murderer to sit behind her at her rally! Heck ... least she could have done is asked him to wear shades to hide his identity. Hmm REALLY BEGINNING TO QUESTION HER Ability to represent America

   I find it fascinating that the Media always has a hard on to ask Ivanka Trump about how HER father treats women .... BUT for some reason NO media outlet whatsoever ...... NEVER asks Chelsea Clinton that. .... Curious isn't it.

   Mick Jagger to be a father at 72. Names Keith Richards child's godfather to ensure the child is brought up right long after Mick's gone.

   Coworker: I have an announcement to make. We are expecting twins. Me: Congrats on having 2 kids with the same father!

   The United Kingdom just asked Donald Trump's father for a small loan.

   My chore list is cleverly disguised as a Home Depot gift card again this Father's Day.

   I'm wondering...did Bruce Jenner get a father's day gift on father's day, a mother's day gift on Mother's day, or gifts on both days? If he gets gifts on both days, then this all makes sense now.

   Guess who's not getting anything for father's day....Bruce Jenner

   It's Father's Day not FARTHERS DAY Ladies

   When I want the entire beach to myself on Father's Day, I wear a Speedo.

   Happy Father's Day to all the real Dad's.... Sit down deadbeats we celebrate you on April Fool's Day...

   The vending machine gave me an extra bag of Skittles today, hope my Dad loves his Father's Day gift.

   Ivanka Trump is writing a new book called "Women Who Work: Rewriting The Rules Of Success." Rule number 1 is having a wealthy, powerful father.

   kid climbed into the Gorilla exhibit because the Gorilla looked like his jigaboo father

   I have to be careful with my kids when I talk about the death of their father. It's a sensitive subject and I don't want them warning him.