snotty Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon [date night].. Waiter: How is everything?... Me: *whispers... Waiter: Sir?.... Wife: *sigh,, He says his carrots are touching his peas.
←Rate | 01-10-2017 17:44 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones... Hmmm,, You may NOT want in a phone that sets itself on fire,, to be water resistant guys.
←Rate | 01-04-2017 13:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actually,, I thought I was the only one who did not know the words to Mariah Carey songs.
←Rate | 01-04-2017 13:19 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to know if Santa has you on his “nice” list,, or his “naughty” list,, Just ask Russia,,, and they'll just hack it for you.
←Rate | 12-16-2016 21:56 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I realized how pathetic I am,,, When the person in the next bathroom stall completely ignored my knock knock joke...
←Rate | 12-16-2016 21:52 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon All those against armpit tickling raised their hands..... *And what happened next is history.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 16:36 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well,,, We are Definitely not getting our security deposit back for this planet.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 16:02 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listen,, If you're mad about Trump being named Time's Person of the Year, wait until you hear who was elected president.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 15:54 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon *at a fancy restaurant.. . Ummm,, yes, what color wines do you have
←Rate | 12-14-2016 15:53 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Massive cold takes over US after Trump calls out Heat Miser on Twitter
←Rate | 12-12-2016 21:01 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well OBVIOUSLY,, Winter is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese.
←Rate | 12-12-2016 20:44 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would watch “The Bachelor” if the next bachelor was Chumlee.
←Rate | 12-11-2016 19:31 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Balloons are so much more expensive than when I was a kid... Probably due to,,,,, you know,, inflation.
←Rate | 12-11-2016 19:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
←Rate | 12-10-2016 16:22 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I should have known my son was stealing from his road construction job, but every time I came home I guess I just ignored all the signs.
←Rate | 12-10-2016 15:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes mom,,, Of course I know the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer,,,, it's the taste.
←Rate | 12-09-2016 18:17 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Joker: I'm calling DHS, You're endangering a minor... Batman: He's my partner... Joker: Why's he in his underwear?.. Batman: So we match. Look, this isn't about me.
←Rate | 12-07-2016 07:48 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
←Rate | 12-07-2016 07:37 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon COWORKER: ...and so, my big toe got cut off.... ME:. *farts*.... Sorry, I'm lack-toes intolerant
←Rate | 12-06-2016 19:55 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Amazon Go let's you walk out of the store without stopping to pay?.. Winona Ryder, , you are a woman about 15 years ahead of your time
←Rate | 12-05-2016 19:28 by snotty Comments (0)  



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