mickeybruce Funny Status Messages

   has a feeling that the so-called "Highway To Hell" looks just like a Wal-Mart parking lot

   ok, so what do you call a fish with no eyes? a fsh!

   "Oprah tips homeless dude $100" ...20 min. later, homeless dude's crack dealer: "where you get the Benjamin, homie?"

   Obama went to India, Indonesia, South Korea... and still hasn't found the birth certificate??

   know why McDonald's restaurants always smell so bad? 'cause the people that eat there poop there.

   if being apathetic is wrong, then I don't care...

   wtf? why is Obama meeting with Indians? Thanksgiving is still 3 weeks away!

   just heard the villian in the next Batman movie is a guy who's exposed to high levels of radiation and becomes the Speaker of the House of Representatives

   money isn't the key to happiness? then where is the key? hidden in a stupid box somewhere, like in Pirates Of The Caribbean?

   Breaking News... President Obama travels to India to visit former American jobs...

   converted my dishwasher into a snowblower: bought the wife a new snow shovel for her birthday!

   just looked at Yahoo! Trending Now: Brett Favre and Britney Spears right next to each other. Uh-oh. This could get out of hand in a hurry...

   ...this year in California, the most popular Halloween mask is Arnold Schwartzenegger. The great thing about it is: with a mouthful of candy, you'll sound just like him!

   if you're dressing up like Snooki tonight, allow me to help by rubbing Doritos all over you first ;)

   yo, people that drive 10 mph under the speed limit 'cuz there's a cop behind you. stop it. you ain't gettin' free donuts or anything...

   [:::] is trick-or-treating for Pop Tarts [:::]

   ...little boy writes to Santa: please send me a sister. Santa writes to little boy: ok, send me your mother.

   ...the monkey's out of the bottle, man.

   EVERYBODY: [1] HAVE FUN TONIGHT. [2] WANG CHUNG TONIGHT.

   ...roses are red, violets are blue, I'm doing my laundry so I don't smell like you.