hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you wear a pirates outfit to PetSmart... you can walk out with a like eight parrots on each shoulder and they can't say nothing.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 08:22 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 08:21 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found a penny today and it reminded me of my ex...worthless and in everybody's pants.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 08:20 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 08:20 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a time machine, I'd just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
←Rate | 02-21-2013 04:25 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stop at random Jehovah's Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
←Rate | 02-21-2013 04:25 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Too much of my life is spent trying to think of something to write on people's FB walls for their birthday other than "Happy Birthday!"
←Rate | 02-21-2013 04:24 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon The ads where Bing says they're better than Google are so cute. Like when you let a kid think hes playing Xbox but the controllers unplugged.
←Rate | 02-21-2013 04:24 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Pay attention to me when I'm ignoring you!"- women
←Rate | 02-21-2013 04:23 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let's dance.
←Rate | 02-21-2013 04:22 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
←Rate | 02-21-2013 04:22 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
←Rate | 02-21-2013 04:21 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 17:54 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can't change the past, but you can spoil the present, by worrying about the future.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 17:53 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 17:53 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon On this Presidents day we celebrate our great leaders; Washington, the father of our country, Lincoln, who freed the slaves, Reagan, who tore down that wall and Kennedy, who banged Marilyn Monroe.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 17:53 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently this couple in the park holding hands were not trying to start a pick up game of Red Rover
←Rate | 02-18-2013 17:52 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate making phone calls so much I'd probably skip my one and just stay in jail.
←Rate | 02-05-2013 19:43 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Put your GPS on full volume for your daily commute if you want to know what marriage is like.
←Rate | 02-05-2013 19:43 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Want to hate any song in less than ten seconds? Just set it as your alarm for 5:30 in the morning.
←Rate | 02-05-2013 19:42 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  



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