flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
←Rate | 04-21-2015 05:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My personal style is best described as "didn't expect to have to get out of the car."
←Rate | 04-17-2015 13:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm surprised more killers haven't lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Is that your dog?" "No, actually she's adopted... we were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves"
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
←Rate | 03-30-2015 04:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Go shawty, it's a green light~50 cent in traffic
←Rate | 03-19-2015 13:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heard a dad say "Keep rolling your eyes and maybe, one day, you'll find a brain back there." #fatheroftheyear
←Rate | 03-14-2015 16:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace
←Rate | 03-14-2015 06:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My super power? forgeting what I’m talking about halfway through a sentence
←Rate | 03-12-2015 05:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
←Rate | 03-12-2015 05:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adulthood is fun because by the time you're finally old enough to go out whenever you want you're too tired to do it.
←Rate | 03-08-2015 08:34 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife wanted two cats but I am the man in this house so we got two cats
←Rate | 02-28-2015 05:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When life throws you a curveball, try to duck so it hits someone else.
←Rate | 02-22-2015 16:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My office has started random urine testing of employees to detect traces of hope or optimism.
←Rate | 02-17-2015 05:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
←Rate | 02-16-2015 16:18 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why would I dance like nobody's watching? People need to see this.
←Rate | 02-09-2015 05:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not really supposed to say anything yet, but… I joined Blink 182. Gonna take it in a super fun new direction.
←Rate | 01-27-2015 12:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather threesome practical joke
←Rate | 01-24-2015 06:18 by flinnie Comments (5)  


   messageicon My favorite part about the Patriots cheating is it means they didn't have confidence in Brady's skill.
←Rate | 01-23-2015 12:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald’s scare me.
←Rate | 12-29-2014 05:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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