Stevielea Funny Status Messages

   Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it's $50 to let go"

   Leaving your window open for an hour in the summertime and then the cast from f*@k!?g bug's Life start producing their second film!!

   Now if you will excuse me, today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.

   Whomever has my Voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks....I'm in public!

   Having a bad day?? You could be a siamese twin attached to a gay brother who has a date and your the only one with an ass!

   "what did he say?" "Who is she?" "What just happened?" ( Repeat 30 times and you just watched a movie with my wife.)

   Part Of me says I can't keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "don't listen to that guy... He's drunk."

   Trick your friends into thinking you are a professional tennis player By wiping your face with a towel every 30 seconds And throwing it at a child.

   You know what's beautiful? Read the first word again.

   What do I remember about the midget that attacked me. Very little.

   Imagine having an IQ low enough to enjoy watching love island.