JAKE Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Remember when teenage girls kept a diary and got pissed off if anyone read it? Now days they put everything on facebook and get pissed off when they don't.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 08:36 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife's nagging started right on cue. "Stand up straight..... Don't sluch..... Look at me when I'm talking to you." I don't know why I keep rewatching our wedding tape.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 08:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be a book "What to expect after marriage" for the bridegroom.
←Rate | 05-03-2018 17:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A scarecrow is outstanding in his field.
←Rate | 05-03-2018 16:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman's marriage proposal........ I'm pregnant
←Rate | 05-03-2018 16:31 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon How could he be the Lone Ranger if Tonto was always with him
←Rate | 05-03-2018 16:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I phone the child abuse hotline a kid answered the phone and told me to piss off.
←Rate | 05-03-2018 16:24 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When we were younger my wife got a dolphin tattoo on her butt...... It's now a whale
←Rate | 05-03-2018 16:20 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always know what my wife is saying....... She can talk 50% faster than I can listen
←Rate | 05-02-2018 14:37 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon If at frist you don't succeed........ Read the instructions
←Rate | 05-02-2018 14:34 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alimony should be spelled allmymoney
←Rate | 05-01-2018 22:03 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the word alimony should be spelled aliMOANy
←Rate | 05-01-2018 15:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sound advice: Never keep your hemroid cream on the same shelf as your toothpaste.
←Rate | 05-01-2018 09:25 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon Patient: Doc, I feel miserable, worthless, unhappy, and I have no money. Doctor: I see...... How long have you been married?
←Rate | 04-30-2018 23:42 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Although I'm bald, I still can't part with my combs.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 23:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 17:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The evening news begins with good evening. Then they proceed to tell you why it not.
←Rate | 04-28-2018 21:31 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon They say crime doesn't pay. So does that mean my job is a crime?
←Rate | 04-28-2018 21:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I thought earwigs were bugs that came out of your ears. So you can imagine what I thought when I heard about co*kroaches
←Rate | 04-26-2018 23:38 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon My wife is losing it, she told me she was seeing someone behind my back. But when I turn around there wasn't anyone there.
←Rate | 04-26-2018 14:15 by Jake Comments (0)  


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