@1_Jack_Jacko Funny Status Messages

   There's no telling what will come out a female's mouth when she's mad at you. You just gotta brace yourself and be ready for anything.

   I was in a taxi on my way to work this morning when the driver said "I love my job. I'm my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That's really great, now take a left here."

   The Like button. Also for choosing sides in a Facebook argument without saying anything

   WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don't fcuking care

   I guarantee there's a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks 'Ebola' would be a lovely name for their child.

   There are an alarming amount of people getting engaged or married on my Facebook recently. Got my brain ticking with how much thought and planning they must have put into it. I don't even know what I'm having for breakfast tomorrow let alone get married

   Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy

   Send me one more game request and I'm showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister

   My girlfriend is about to do this ice water bucket challenge. She don't know yet though she's still in bed

   They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their mind

   Apparently it's Monday today and it's sunny outside. Thanks everyone for that invaluable piece of information

   I'm drunk and I've got work tomorrow, but on the plus side. I'm having a great conversation with my dog

   It's amazing how the brain works. I heard a song that I haven't heard in about ten years and I remembered it word for word. Yet when it came to my exams I barely even remembered how to hold my pen.

   important status announcement - bacon sandwiches

   This post is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.

   So many baby mothers post up pictures of their kids everyday.. I'm watching them grow.. I'm technically their step dad

   I hate when I tell someone I'm bored, and they suggest getting together. Then I have to explain that I'm not quite that bored.

   Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep. Friday night here I come

   Why do all you women brag about multi-tasking. You need to chill out. There is nothing cool about doing 3 things wrong at once

   I want a woman who can cook, clean, do the laundry, pay the bills & still set aside the time to have sex with me while her husbands at work.