totalpackage Funny Status Messages

   I don't mind drinking 1% milk as long as the other other 99% is some combination of vodka and Kahlua.

   tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save energy....The last time I tried it I ran over a guy on a moped!

   I think the show "Toddlers & Tiaras" was named that way because "Strippers in training" and "Mothers with self esteem issues" just wasn't as catchy.

   riding that train high on cocaine!

   My pharmacist mixed up my Valiuum prescription with Viaagra...It didn't help my anxiety much, but it gave me a great place to hang my hat! ツ

   I wonder why these "Occupy Wall St." people can't find a more exciting place to protest like Hooters or Bourbon Street?!...By the looks of most of them, they would be lucky if they could occupy Sesame Street!

   Bye Bye Moammar!.....Hussein☑ Bin Laden ☑ Ghadafi ☑ Nancy Pelosi ☐ ツ

   Seems kinda strange we couldn't get even one post mortem pic of Bin Laden but nobody seems to mind Gadhafi showing up at back yard picnics and local supermarket meat freezers like he's starring in the sequel to "A Weekend At Bernie's".....Go figure!

   just spent the rest of my Halloween money on Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale.....I hope the trick-or-treaters are happy with some cough drops and a few beef bouillon cubes this year.

   <----plans on spending a quiet evening indoors with the only woman who never let's me down!.....Stella Artois! ツ

   If you live anywhere near the "Occupy Wall Street" protest, I suggest you NOT dress up as a Port-O-Potty this Halloween!

   With Lindsay Lohan doubling duty between a Playboy shoot and working at the L.A. county morgue, it should be interesting to see what she wears for Halloween...I haven't spotted any zombie, prison striped, part time lesbian, boozing, kleptomaniac, playboy

   I'm proud to come from a family of work-a-holics.....Everytime someone mentions work, we all get drunk! ツ

   I have restless leg syndrome and may not be able to stop myself from kicking your ass!

   I think my girlfriend misunderstood me when I asked if we could go to "the outback" tonight!

   Andy Rooney vapor locked today at age 92. I don't want to say he was old, but I heard his Social Security number was "1".....RIP you miserable old fart!

   Steelers menu tonight: 4 & 20 black (dirty) birds baked in a pie!

   I'm still wondering why people were so uptight about that meteor that nearly hit earth a few days ago....It seems to me we are perfectly capable of destroying ourselves without any assistance from an asteroid!

   Hussein☑ Bin Laden ☑ Ghadafi ☑ Jerry Sandusky ☐.....I'm sending "SEAL Team 6" over to Sandusky's at Penn State to take care of this matter!

   Why the "McRib" which is made from "McAss" and tastes like "McPuke" is so popular, is beyond my comprehension!